I am sure many will find this not-so-embarrassing, but this was helluva embarrassing at the time for me. Bear with me because this is not just about being found out in love by your Indian Parents. So, it was just after the 50 days vacations in my ninth standard (age 13/14) I fell in love for the first time and the most embarrassing tale of puberty happened. With a guy I met through a mutual friend and via that popular internet website named Orkut.
Orkut: The most embarrassing tale of puberty happened
His name was Rohit Jacob and before him I was a strict-no-guys’ girls (puberty came late), very much misandrist and was always looking to prove boys wrong.
Our class boys were quite fight-y and unattractive (to me) too. He was two years older to me and I knew that he was in Kerala only for vacation as his parents were settled in Dubai. I also talked to his sister on Orkut (at that time).
So we used to talk a lot and he must have made my mind go ga-ga with feelings and that I wrote love letters (which I never posted, but hoped to give them soon) and hid them under my bed.
I wrote about how he described my lips, drinking honey outta it(such an aroused teenager!) and French Kiss. And being a poet, I went mad with descriptions. I am so glad that I didn’t explore sex at the time!
Things like this … most embarrassing tale of puberty
How all couples on the road seemed like ‘us in the future’ and so on …
And this …
One day when the school ended (2:40 PM), I see dad at the school gate on his motorcycle. My dad rarely pick me up, only if there were any real necessity and I used to come home by myself (we friends used to walk together 2km gossipping and all until the Bus Stop and then catch a bus).
He didn’t speak anything while I was trying to prick his humor bone and, he remained mum throughout the 7km ride.
I reached home, there was no tubelight in the hall and mom told me my room was changed to the guest room. Altogether the air was really negative, sad and dire. I had already felt exactly what had happened.
They found my Love Letters with the Obscene-weird-Teenage-Sexual-Fantasies! (I wish I hadn’t burned it!)
I slyly walked to the guest room and then, began to shout (out of fear I guess) about WHY was my room changed. Mom came and showed me the letter I had supposedly written to Rohit. My ears went Red. Then the whole body. And I ran to the bathroom. (Bathroom was, is and will always be such a safe place to cry as well as to catch a sneaky drag; lookout for the smoke alarms if you’re onto the latter)
I cried for five minutes.
I then heard dad telling mom he is going out for something and the motorcycle sound. I cried some more and then called for mom from the bath. She came and stood next to the bathroom and I said “ I will do anything you ask me, all the dishes, cooking and brooming if you make dad forget this and never ask me about it”.
She agreed. I finished my bath and came out.
Dad came by that time and my food was served. Dad sat at the table and I saw my diary in his hand. Oh my gawd! Then the roller coaster began.
He read aloud my letter until the very end.
(I began screaming and crying). (We had a strict no-Love policy, even though dad changed so much later).
Then he read some my diary verses about what I had written about love.
In fact, the diary was more obscene. Bodily rushes including how he was the first fellow who made an arousing image of mango for boobs. I had described everything except masturbation. Good Lord. Our english teacher wanted us to keep a diary for vacation and my diary writing started like that. After he was done examining my diary, I began to invest my mind and emotions into it.
Anyway, dad gave a zillion advice in that one hour at the dining table from how guys cheat girls to getting raped to getting assaulted and the horrifying reality with love (don’t worry, I’ve fallen in and out of love too many times now)
I had nothing to say and the best thing that came to my mind was a lie.
I wanted him to stop reading the diary. I told him “the letter was for Renuka (Because her name started with R and She is My BFF sorry di, have I told you this?) and it was nothing serious. Just a love story plot I was writing for another fiction”.
Immediately dad closed everything and gave it. I don’t know if he believed it or wanted to believe it. He said one thing, “India hasn’t approved Girl to Girl Marriage Okay”.
He didn’t say anything anymore.
I was pathetically embarrassed. From 3 pm to about 6 pm. My family is a Roman Catholic one and love marriages are the worst thing to even think about because people were eloping too much during those times. Two of my neighbors (friends Chinchu and Neethu) eloped too after a years. Both have two kids each now 😛 😀 LOL!
The dust settled.
We never spoke about it after that. He has made jokes on lesbianism a few times watching me closely. It would be weird if he understands I am bi-sexual. 😀
But, a vacation or two later (as he was in Gulf since 3 years), he said, he called a Vastu Shasthra Guy and the fellow said I will have numerous affairs with men in the future and a hole in the wall (LOL!) on some specific side of the wall will correct it.
The next vacation, my dad tried making that hole, but I challenged his Christian values (even though I agree to the science of Vasthu) and was forgotten sooner than later. It was another embarrassing pop up of the moment.
What Happened Next?
Me and Rohit continued the affair after he went back to Dubai. At that time, the affair was such a big deal to the head. Thinking about living together forever and kids and house and all the rest of the B.S. I even told him we might have to break up because my Dad knew and I couldn’t take it (really true) but well …
I’d told two of my other best friends (S and J) about Rohit and did not have balls to tell it to Renu actually (LOL! She was my BFF and we were the thickest back then; I told Renu later; I didn’t tell her because I knew she would criticize me, pity the Orkut love; hell everyone was talking about Internet Love).
So S and J came home and I was showing off my love affair on Gmail chats and Orkut and weirdly this Rohit was online. I immediately asked him how was his sister X (I forget her name now) and he responded, ‘who X’ while S and J were glued to the screen too. I told him ‘Your sister, do you know who Iam? Your girlfriend dumbo!”
To that he responded.
“Oh. I am sorry if you felt like that. I just wanted some fun on my vacation. I was just flirting y’know” (It was in bad English and nothing like the Punctuation, Spellings and Grammar I am respecting at the moment on his dialogue!)
I was shattered. I didn’t look at J and S for a long long time. I just went to the bed and lay down thinking all the things that dad advised on Love during the hours before I lied. Everything love being bad because guys just cheat or use girls for fun (no loss of virginity here tho) were all words with heavyweight at the moment. The went home soon enough.
I felt so shitty back then for a good long time. But after a few months, we (my friends or as we used to call ourselves- GAJRAS) found other people to hit on together! (teenage love is like a bubble I guess and I feel funny when I thin think back)
I didn’t talk with a lot of people for a few days. It was the vacations again and long later he tried contacting me and I lashed his ass on the phone and bid good bye to the pains too.
Well, that was a 10x embarrassing from one asshole, that too one who made me feel the tingles for the first time. Today perhaps I spurn on love for a totality of the reasons springing from this. Who knows anything anyway!
Before you go …
Just yesterday, my dad and mom were telling, “Please marry. It doesn’t matter if he is not even a Christian!”. Perhaps they were thinking about the Lesbian streak …
Thanks for the loooong read. Hoooooooooosh!
What was your most embarassing moment during puberty?